Marriage: African American Love
When I met my wife. I was intimidated. She was dark and lovely, intelligent, and career oriented fresh out of college. Seton Hall that is. I had education too; Morehouse graduate with a degree in Business, and Masters in Theology from McCormick Theological School. I guess I was intimidated because I received my first real job as a Front Office Agent for a hotel called the Hyatt, and even though it was a going to be a great job, my pay caused me to ask myself, can I even afford to be in a relationship.
Our first converstion lasted nearly 5 to 6 hours. I wanted to talk all night long, but I had to get home to be ready for my first day of work. She left the next morning to go home on the east coast, and I felt that if I did see her again, I would have to work many hours to either send for her, or buy me a ticket to visit her in Jersey.
The next day I emailed her and told her what it was like meeting her and that I wanted to stay in touch. Unexpectedly, she wrote back the same day. Her email was long too. She felt the same way, however, I don't think she was aware that I was on a mission to marry her :)
I really took my job seriously, because my goal was to position myself career wise to have the kind of income I needed to have a relationship, let alone a wife. We began emailing each other everyday, then worked our way to talking on the phone at least once a day. After a month I went to spend my birthday with her and her family on the east coast.
I got there early in the day. Took a taxi to the Hyatt in Washington D.C. where I got a discounted rate and really nice room. This Hyatt even had a note of greetings along with fruit and wine in the room once I arrived which was cool. Once she was off of work she came to the hotel to meet me. As soon as she opened the door I immediately held her close and kissed her with intentions of taking her breath away. I wanted the kiss to be a sign for her to know that she will never feel this way again with anyone else. I may not have much, but my heart and the way I felt and feel about her was and still is worth more than silver and gold.
I continued to work hard, and we managed to send for each other at least once a month. If you know me, then you know I have no patience. If I want something, I want it right then and there. I'll do whatever I have to do. 3 months into the relationship I started looking for an engagement ring. I was afraid to tell anyone because I have been in many unfortunate relationships and I felt that no one would support my decision to ask her to marry me. I asked my father if I could borrow from my life savings to buy Nkoyo a nice ring. He told me no. Pissed me off too :) Don't ask how, but I got the ring anyway, lol.
I first told her best friend, and she was like, "Ok James, your moving a little fast hun! Nkoyo has to go to graduate school and she also needs to meet your family and be comfortable with them first. You should take your time ok!" I said ok, but as you already know I am one hard headed individual :)
I called Nkoyo's mother and said, "Guess what Mrs. White, I did it!" She said, "You did what!" I said that I bought the ring. She almost boobooed on herself, lol. However, she acknowledged that she always wanted a son and would be grateful to have me as family. Even if she wasn't excited, Nkoyo was going to be my wife...
Nkoyo came to Chicago, and my boss at the Hyatt hooked me up with a really nice stay at the Hyatt Regency Chicago and I also made plans to take a cruise around the city with Nkoyo that evening. I took her to see my folks first. My dad was excited that she was pretty, and my mom was excited because she spoke well and was polite. They also figured that James is going to do what he wants to do anyway, so what the hell :)
We were at the hotel changing and preparing for the cruise, and as she was in the shower I thought of how I can present this ring. I wanted to be myself, so that means I should be silly but serious too. She came out of the shower and I said I have a poem for you. I said, " I must confess, this ring would look great with your dress!" And she started screaming!!!
From that point we had a ball with each other. What made it even better was as I spoke with her grandfather to get his approval. He said, "Give it a year!" I said, "I can do that!"
We got engaged in 3 months, and was engaged for 9 months. She moved in with me cause I was already a homeowner after 6 months. We did struggle with the concept of living in sin, especially since I'm the family minister and seminarian. My family didn't care about that, but the church disapproved and said I may not want to be in ministry until we were legally married. I haven't been dedicated to any church since then, cause I eventually learned for myself that it is better to have my own relationship with the Lord.
We struggled alot at first while living together. We had to learn each others habits, how we are going to pay bills, if we are going to join a church together or stay spiritually independent, who was going to organize finances, where we were going to try to grow our careers, and I think the hardest thing we had to do was commute to and from work with only one car in some of the worst snow I have seen since I've been in Chicago. However, Nkoyo eventually bought her first car and she did it all by herself which was a huge accomplishment.
Nkoyo and I have been married for 2 months now. It feels like a lifetime. I love not having to be out there hitting on women anymore, or dating. I always felt that dating was a waste of money cause commitment is never guarenteed when your dating. I love working and growing in my job cause I have been able to be promoted to the accounting field and make more money. I love that Nkoyo has a job she loves and is making progress daily and meeting all of her goals. I love being the protector and provider. I have someone in my life that I would die for if I had too. She is my world, she completes me. Having her in my life teaches me how to be responsible, and even if I hate work or don't feel like going in; even if we argue and fight; no matter what, I must do what I have to do so that she is safe, secure, and happy.
Marriage is a beautiful thing...